Lately, I’ve been seeing posts about those who suffered from emotional abuse and what their stories were. I’ve decided to share mine.
I was 14 when I met him. Young, innocent, naive, but smart. At first everything was normal, but as we got older things started to change. We would get into fights and lots of them. These were huge screaming matches that was louder than the rock music he would play. He always ended up punching a hole in his wall or door, and I always ended up crying. After we would talk and he would ask why I had to drive him to this level of angry then he would tell me he loved me. There was another incident when we were fighting and his parents weren’t home. We were in the kitchen, and he grabbed a huge knife while yelling at me. I ran out the door and to my car shaking and crying. Eventually I went back inside and once again it was my fault. The sad part was that I thought he was right. I was the one making him this angry, so angry that he wanted to hurt someone.
I never actually thought he would hurt me and he never did physically but it took me many years to realize that I had suffered emotional abuse from him. When I was 18, I graduated high school and joined the military. I was running from him and for myself. I was smart enough to get out but I didn’t think I was strong enough to do it.
While I was in the military, we had stayed in contact with each other. It was over for me, but I found out that it wasn’t for him. He had bought an engagement ring and was planning to propose to me when I got home in a couple of weeks. I told him to take it back that I had wanted to be friends not get back together with him. We hung up with each other but a few hours later, I got a call from him. He had taken a bunch of pills and said he wanted to die. I was so scared and told him I was going to call an ambulance but he told me no. He didn’t want to get off the phone with me. He loved me and wanted to get back together with me. Once again it became my fault for making him believe we would get back together. I told him I would always love him (he was my first love), but that it was over.
I had thought this kind of relationship was normal. That people who loved each sometimes yelled at each other. Now I see how wrong I was. This was not a normal or healthy relationship. And it had turned a once loving, kind, strong and independent young woman into a girl who suffered from depression, anxiety, fear and insecurity. I didn’t think I was strong enough to leave him or that I loves him too much to leave him over what I thought was little fights, but once I did leave, I realized that I had started to get stronger every day I was away from him.
Now I am in a loving healthy relationship where I get stronger and more confident every day. This is the kind of relationship we all deserve to be in. We are all strong enough to leave an unhealthy relationship even if we don’t realize it at the time.